I realize this is long. But please help me out. I'll owe you my life.

Okay. So as you know I've been dating the same guy for like two years now on and off. We've had some fucked up shit happen between us but we really love each other. We think of our future children's names and he's saving up to buy me a promise ring. We've both matured since we started when we were 14/15 and have been together steadily for about five months now. Obv we've had fights over stupid shit and some difficulties, but this is fucked up.

Okay, I posted before how I found pics of his ex in his received files by accident..and the other night I purposely snooped, looking to see if he still kept in contact with this hoe. (I am ashamed, don't go crazy on me plz) I was starting to sober up a bit and he and my girl friend were both passed out unconcious after lots of puking (which I had been taking care of) So I went into "My Chatlogs" to make sure that he had deleted her as he promised he would, and I saw a really weird email. I can't even remember what it was now, but it struck me as odd enough that I opened it. Inside is a convo between him and a gay guy around his age that lives in the same province as us. The convo begins with them saying "hey" to each other and then right after it says my boyfriend requests for him to start viewing my boyfriend's cam. The boy starts calling him cute and stuff and saying he looks "sleepy" and telling him to "smile, cutie" and my boyfriend says something like "thank you : D if that's you in your pic, you're very cute as well!" and then asks to see another picture of him. As soon as I get this far in the convo, I feel physically ill. I've felt a lot of bad emotional, intense feelings with my boyfran but never the physical sickness I felt from reading that. But obviously, I had to keep reading. They make a lot of small talk about a local theme park and some big mall my boyfriend has never visited but the boy is talking about and the boy is saying he has a cam at home but he's vacationing in Florida right then for another day or two. After the small talk, the guy says something (I forget the exact words) but something implying that my boyfriend should show him his dick now. Boyfriend says something like "I'm assuming you mean you wanna see my dick now.. right?" obviously very awkward at how to go about this. The guy comments a minute later on the sizing and shit, asking what size he is, saying he's just an inch larger blahblah. At this point I LITERALLY, no joke, pushed back a tiny bit of vomit in my throat. Anyways, the convo ends a bit after that. The guy asks if my boyfriend is interested in maybe pursuing a non-friendship relationship to which boyfriend replies "of course" or something. Then my boyfriend says he'll definitely keep in touch and they'll talk soon. Near the end of the convo my boyfriend says "I'm horny noww" and the guy says me too and they say their goodbyes cause my boyfriend says he's gonna go to bed. I sit there in disbelief for a few minutes obv, not even crying cause I'm so in shock. Then I start bawling after a few minutes. Then I get angry. In the past, I'd be the one to get sad and him get angry. But I felt angrier then I can recall in a long while. I ran into the bathroom where he was passed out on the floor (with blankets + pillows I brought for him after he insisted he couldn't make it to the bedroom). I start screaming despite it being like 2 a.m and he wakes up for a minute asks what I'm talking about then passes out again before comprehending my answer. So I fill up a glass of cold water, hysterical at this point, and pour it over his face. He wakes up in a drunken daze and all confused and I confront him. He's drunk but still really ashamed/embarassed. I don't care. I continue screaming that I hate him and he's a worthless piece of shit for betraying me like that for so long and blahblah. Anyways, his explanation (after a lot of begging to get it) is that he was curious about his size compared to guys his age and one night when he was high on his computer, a pop up for a chat site popped up and he went on it. Then he decided to add this gay guy and compare. He says he realises it was a pretty extreme way of going about it and he feels weird about it but he had asked his friends in the past, and he could tell they were all blatantly exagerating/lying about their sizes, and statistics varied everywhere he looked. He says he had to watch porn at the same time in another window to get erect enough to show it. There's things that don't add up to me, so I ask. Like why he says shit like "I'm horny noww" to him and he says he doesn't know, he was horny from the porn. "okay yeah but would you say to your guy friends on msn that you're feeling a bit horny?" "well, no. obviously not.." I ask why he says he's bi in the convo with the guy and says he's interested in a relationship with him, he says "I said a lot of shit that wasn't true in that conversation. I just wanted to get the info I needed. And I can't just be like hey gay guy, I'm str8 and I want to know how our dicks compare." I asked why he wanted to see another picture of the guy, and he says cause he realized they lived in the same area after the small talk and he thought he recognized him and got all paranoid about the guy being someone he knew and being recognized. But I asked then, why does he only show his dick and not see the other guy's if what he wanted was to compare, and he says because the other guy din't have his cam and he was planning on speaking to him again when he was home to see it then he'd block & delete him. After that convo btw, there was a short one two days later where my boyfriend says hi and then blocks him after like two or three minutes. My boyfriend says he realized what he was doing was fucked up and blocked and deleted him. he says he'll even prove it to me and signs onto the old account he was using to do this...but the guy's only blocked. Not deleted. My boyfriend is like I SWEAR I DELETED HIM. WHY WOULD I SHOW YOU IF I DIDNT THINK I DID? Says he's not homophobic, but if he was born gay he would kill himself because he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it cause it sounds so hard to live like. k anyways. The point is I have no idea what to think. We spent two days straight after that night together and I cried almost the entire time. I couldn't even look at him without thinking about what he had done, what it could mean, what if he's putting on an act? I couldn't look at him the same. The second night, later in the night, things seemed better. We had more talks about it and I felt assured he was telling the truth. But he went away for a work trip the next morning and I've been left alone to examine this in my head. I'm thinking about it constantly. Looking for signs that he's gay/bi, thinking of comments/things in the past that point to it..basically going fucking insane. He said he hates this, having a girlfriend who thinks he's gay and we had sex after this incident once and it was amazing but when it was over I was left thinking of the conversation again and I began crying. He's been shifting between anger and understanding/sympathy with my bouts of crying over this. He's always gotten erect with me so fucking easily, gets hard from kissing me or cuddling me or seeing me without a top on. I'm so confused. I even confided with my nineteen year old brother about this (which wasn't as weird of a conversation as you'd imagine) and he said size is a huge issue for guys, and when he was that age he did the statistic thing and talked about it with friends. Both my brother and my boyfriend said I wouldn't understand because I'm a girl. My boyfriend's always been pretty comfortable in his sexuality. He's not super macho or super feminine either, we've joked around before where he's attemped at doing my makeup followed by us loading his face with foundation to see what he'd look like without the acne. I'm into the more sensitive guys always, but I just never thought I'd get this because of it.
I just need to know from an outsider guy's perspective, one that isn't biased: Does his argument make sense? Is he obviously lying and I'm just in denial because of my feelings for him? Could he be curious/gay/bi or just really worried about how his package holds up to other guys his age? Advice?

Girls: what would you do in this situation?

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Surely if he wanted to know sizes to just go onto google and type 'average penis size' or something?

And jesus...use fucking paragraphs ffs

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Shut the fuck up, dude. The idea of you commenting on someones sentence structure is laughable.

It all sounds a bit nefarious to me. As a guy, personally, I've never added a gay person on MSN to compare cock sizes. Hell, I don't even discuss that shit with my friends. Anyway, if I were you, I'd find another boyfriend because your one sounds like a complete cunt. This shit between you both will go on forever and before you know it, you'll wake up and realise you've wasted the best years of your life with an arsehole.

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If I were in that position I wouldn't take the chance. I'd look for someone open and honest. If my husband wanted to compare cock sizes he'd at least invite me to watch for the giggles.

Ahh, Chlo, I really don't even know what to say to this. I don't have a CLUE what I'd do in that situation. I'd love to say I'd walk away and find someone else, but it just doesn't work that way. To be honest, even if I KNEW he was gay in my heart, I'd probably still try and make it work, because thats what you do when you love someone, you close your eyes to all the problems around you and try and make things work no matter what, because it seems that its better to be with them and it be a lie, than to be without them completely.

To be honest, I think you've spent enough time with this guy, I know you love him to death, but seriously, aside from the whole gay thing, you STILL feel the need to check on him, and that is never gonna go away. You say "i feel bad" and "it was just to see if he'd blocked her" but you honestly shouldn't feel that you have to snoop. I've been there, done that, and been a "snooping little bitch" as well, but you shouldn't HAVE to do that, you should feel completely at ease, and trust him 100%.

I'm sorry but I just don't think things will ever work between you two. You've been through too much.

Much hugs xxx

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This sums up what I was going to say. If a relationship is based around lies, than you are going to have to be constantly checking behind his back. Not only does that add to the trust issues, but its also exhuasting.

The last part you said about the makeup thing, and about how sensitive he is. I wouldn't take that as a "maybe gay" thing. I am into sensitive guys too, and letting your gf put makeup on you has nothing to do with sexual tendencies. And I know you know that.

I hope it all works out. Don't make any rash decisions, but don't let this problem linger.

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if i found out my boyf did that i would proberbly do the same as you but then break up with him for a while, then meet him somewhere public so id stay calm n there would be no chance of me giving in and getting into bed with him and ask him if he really does think he is gay or not, if he was bi id live with it but if he was gay id never talk to him again for bein so heartless by telling me he loved me while thinking of another mans cock being in his ass

i think it's time to call it a day hun. it'll probably be like losing a limb at first but you need to surround yourself with positive people who make you feel good and secure, not paranoid and ill.

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knvm. that was ALL a lie he told me which I kind of figured cause the story was really.. well it was nonsense. he came clean out of guilt and told me the truth, he has a weird thing for being watched. used to do it when he was younger. get emails from chatrooms when he was like 12 cause he was curious about the body & sexuality as you do get at the age, and he'd go on and show his dick to girls. but then he found it increasingly harder to talk girls into doing it cause they're very different about it and so he'd do it infront of guys cause they were the only ones willing. he watched porn to get hard, liked hearing them compliment it, and the whole time he was actually on cam would last two minutes. sometimes they asked him to do "fucked up shit" like jack off & cum in his hand for them but he couldnt do that. he thought he was gay when he was little cause back then he'd watch other guys too (along with girls) but realizes now he was just curious about size etc, what his would look like when he got older. he's only done it once since we've started dating for the first time in over a year when i was at the cottage cause he figured hed probably grown quite a bit. he said he liked the feeling of being watched and hearing their reactions when they called it huge but he doesnt think it's a "fetish" like i kept calling it cause he said it was next to impossible to have it remain hard (which normally is not a problem)

this is weird, i did cry a lot when he told me cause I consider it cheating that time with the guy. He assures me the gender really has nothing to do with it, he just wanted the reaction. I believe him. He smashed his wecam built into his laptop to "ease your mind" and has deleted all his msns! only leaving one email he uses for work. which i know pass to cause he told me it. I'm relieved.

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oh chlo.... thats a shame

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^^

Its a shame Chloe hasn't stopped being so Naive and got rid of this loser..

You could do a million times better, and thats not even an exaggeration. Why bother with so much hurt over someone?

You have to be tough to be fair. Make sure he knows if he messes up in any way you'll never be with him again. Next time you don't feel happy about your relationship with him, think back to all the times he's made you feel like that and how you're not really progressing in your relationship. Just going around in circles, letting him get away with anything and take advantage of your love.

Caus that's all he's doing.

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<3Becky

^^

Its a shame Chloe hasn't stopped being so Naive and got rid of this loser..

You could do a million times better, and thats not even an exaggeration. Why bother with so much hurt over someone?

You have to be tough to be fair. Make sure he knows if he messes up in any way you'll never be with him again. Next time you don't feel happy about your relationship with him, think back to all the times he's made you feel like that and how you're not really progressing in your relationship. Just going around in circles, letting him get away with anything and take advantage of your love.

Caus that's all he's doing.

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<3Becky

what?

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You deserve better than playing runaround with this guy. And I think its a shame that you don't think you deserve better. It's a shame that you're letting yourself be dragged around like a worthless girl. You are anything but worthless.

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I posted that twice for double the effect, yes.

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<3Becky