had an idea..bit like 'what are you listening to?' but people just say if they feel crap and someone can reply sympathetically.

soo.....yeahh is this an ok idea or not?

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

I am upset by this thread.

Haha not really, but I am upset that I woke up late today. Don't think it's something to cry about though.

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my great uncle is dying and i feel like it's my fault because i moved away and no one else is looking after him properly cuz they're 'busy' and what have you and they're all like well what's the point he doesnt even know who we are anymore but he does really. having people there with him keeps him going even if he is confused. i didn't think for a second he would go so downhill.

and i've got exams in like three days and i havent done anything for them i dont even know what the one on tuesday is on. i think you have to learn about four subjects and hope that two of them come up lmao. i only need to get like 40% to pass but i've got a first for all my essays so far so if i fuck this up i'm gonna be a bit pissed. and i've got to write one of my history essays in welsh which is ok i guess but it's like all these books i have to reference i think i have to translate them to put them in which would be fine only i think if you don't translate exactly right you can get in big trouble because i could completely change the meaning of it cuz welsh is funny like that and i'm like why am i doing this i'm not even welsh fgs. i should really ask my lecturers about this stuff.

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what time u lazy bugger?

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

About 2 which may not be late for some but late for me.

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do you know for sure that they aren't looking after him properly? i dont want to sound patronising but it may just feel that way to you. it isn't your fault he's unwell and judging from how much you seem to care for him i'm sure you will make time to spend time with him when you can. is he in some sort of care system at the moment?

as for the essays..yeah im freaking out even if the pass mark is 40%..but just think, you can't have had a better outlook then yours especially cuz you are getting such great marks for your essays.

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

I'm upset over the fact I have a kidney infection again

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Simply knowing you exist aint good enough for me, but asking for your telephone number seems highly inappropriate.
Seen as i cant, even say hi
When you walk by
And that time you shook my hand it felt so nice,
I swear i never felt this way about any other guy
And
I dont usually notice peoples eyes, but ........

yeah. to be fair they do what they can but it's just that i was with him non stop for a year and he was really dependent on me and then i fucked off so inevitably he gets less care which isn't how it should be you should be getting more the frailer you get so again it's my fault for being so attentive. he's in a home now in southam which is quite a way from warwick so he gets visitors like once a week and he deserves more than that but i dont know what to dooo.

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yeah but you're at uni right? im sure if he was well he'd express how happy he is for you to be learning..if he loves you then im sure he'd be very very upset at the thought of you ditching uni to take care of him...i know that when im old and frail i'd absolutely hate the idea of that happening.

he is being cared for and when you're able you will go see him..im sure he appreciates all your visits beforehand..dont beat yourself up so much

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

thanks rach. i dont think he really understands where i am. his mind is a bit gone.

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i kinda know how you feel cuz my dad was like that, it's really upsetting to see

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

how are you with that now? i read one of your blogs on myspace a while ago and wanted to say something but..

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yeah it still gets to me a lot and is harder because of how his family reacted to me who im no longer in contact with its sad cuz it's nothing like what he would have wanted at all

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael

ug families suck sometimes. do you know why they treated you like that

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I am sad about money.

Seems a bit stupid compared with Rach & Kerry but I have so many bills and shit and no money and I feel like I am working as much as I can but not seeing any of the money.

I think I need a second job.

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ask for more money. what do you do

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I work in a shop but I only work 20 hours cause I'm full time at college too.

I get 5.95 an hour which is pretty good for a 19 year old standing at a till really.

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do you get ema

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Ya when I go

I'm probs feelin the stress of it 'cause of xmas and not getting any n that

and I'm shit at college so I aint getting my bonus this month which is shit because I really need it but my tutors a fat ugly bastard and i hope he dies painfully

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yeah its all complicated and twisted tho..umm its kinda like what you said about your great uncle not being able to think properly and necessarily make sense of the things around him? nor could my dad and he would kinda bitch i guess to his side of the family because he was angry about my mum leaving him and eventually the bitching must have been about me and my bro cuz my aunts and gran were really mad at us. i visited my dad a lot but it was upsetting because he would always slag off my mum so i went less..his family lacked the sensitivity to take my dad's bitching sessions for what they really were..a man losing his mind and individual personality and took everything at face value..and wanted someone to blame..so cuz they couldn't get at my mum and were burdened with their own guilt at not supporting me and my brother (my ma wasnt allowed to see him so typically we were on our own with having to deal with his illness) so they withheld info about his medical condition from us and were very nasty at his funeral bit sad really but i think you see people's true colours..my dad being a sick man allowed them to use it to their advantage and project their own guilt onto (at the time) an 18 year old girl. but back to your story cuz iv talked blahh! i think it definitely shows in ur favour that you are so caring and compassionate to worry about your great uncle and that will definitely stand him in good stead

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founder of


http://www.last.fm/user/er_rachael